Sunday, December 4, 2011

Smell You Later

So this post really falls under the heading of General Retail/ Life Rules. I actually wrote it a few years ago, so the two of you who read it then are in for a re-run.

This post was inspired by my new retail job as I have left BookWorld and am temporarily back in Fancy Cooking retail. What really inspired this post is not so much the job as the citiizens of the town I currently work in. Glendale, California is a wholly unique retail experience that I had pretty successfully repressed from the last time I worked there. In the past few weeks it has all come rushing back to me in wave after unpleasant wave. There is a long list of things I have only experienced or experienced on an EXTREME level there. So, without further ado-

BookWench's Retail/Life Rule of the Week -
                     It's A Perfume Spray, not a Marinade

That's right folks - this week's lesson is inspired by the overwhelming number of inconsiderate people I am forced to interact with on a daily basis who feel the need to announce their presence with scent, often minutes before they themselves arrive.  Seriously people - a little dab will do you.  Now that we, as a people, have access to regular showers, deodorant and a dizzying array of bath products the need to douse ourselves in cheap perfume is no longer necessary.  In fact it's kind of aggressive and rude to the people forced to inhale your nauseating stench.  This goes double if your bottle of perfume cost less than $5 or contains the words "Designer Impostors."  Triple if I can smell your perfume from more than a foot away or can still smell it more than a minute after you leave.  Quadruple annoyance points if everything you own, including the credit card you hand me is saturated with your scent.  It's plastic people, it should not be saturated with anything.  And, finally, I should be allowed to ask you to leave my general vicinity and bestow the highest order of annoyance on you if I can TASTE your fragrance if I come within a foot of you.  (I actually had to rinse my mouth out with strong coffee the other night because I could taste a gentleman's cologne on my tongue for a solid hour after he invaded my personal space.) 

Remember - a good perfume should be used as an allure.  A subtle whiff to catch the attention of those around you and create a positive sense memory they can connect with you.  The secret to creating interest is to always leave your audience wanting more. Not to leave everyone in your wake gasping and rushing for the nearest source of fresh air. You do not want the people around you to associate you with funeral homes, Great-aunt Gertrude, or a pounding headache and the fervent hope that lunch stays down.

Please - as a fellow human being I implore everyone, especially the majority population of Glendale, CA*- go easy with the fragrances.  I promise people will still notice you even if they can't smell you coming and going.  Buy better perfume and use just a little, the world will be greatful for your restraint.  And pass this information along to any perfume abusers in your life.

*Proof that it's not just me- After posting this I watched a recent episode of Chuck - "Chuck vs the Frosted Tips" where they make a joke about a character smelling like the Glendale Galleria.  I like it when the TV proves I'm not overly judgmental.