Wednesday, April 6, 2011

We Will, We Will Mock You

Recently at work the book Love Lessons From the Hills (yes, the MTV “reality” show) came across the counter and caught my eye. Then it activated my gag reflex. After all that it inspired the following rant:

If you are paying money to glean relationship advice from vapid, mostly plastic, single- I.Q. Idiots whose personalities were created by MTV I should get to slap you across the face with a copy of Hamlet on sheer principle.

Forget posting pictures of shoplifters at the registers, I would like to post pictures of people buying books like this because they are the true danger to society. (The Idiocracy* is frakking nigh people) It should serve as a warning for any potential significant others. Ex: Warning: this person has based their idea of healthy relationships on The Hills. Please date elsewhere for the continued intelligence of our species.

And, just so everyone is aware, retail clerks will point you out to their co-workers, and laugh, a lot. There are certain items in any retail establishment that if someone is devoid enough of taste/ intelligence to actually purchase it, the entire staff will gather to mock you. When I worked at a home décor store it was the 5 piece poinsettia comforter set. At the Super Fancy Cooking store it was the very large, white ceramic rooster. That's right, a huge $300 ceramic cock. Endless hours of amusement for the staff, but not something anyone should actually own.

And I'm sorry if the stupid blonde one, or the even dumber blonde one, or the scary plastic surgery girl from The Hills are your personal life coaches. But chances are, if that were the case, you would not be reading this blog because the big words would've scared you away.

Other books that should get you banned/ suspended from the dating pool:
  • Anything by Tori Spelling, Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, or anyone from a MTV reality show.
  • I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max
    My personal list of deal-breaker books/ authors is extensive, feel free to add your own in the comments.


  1. I do fully agree that those kinds of books are trash, but I think it is very close-minded to think like this. After all, I am of the opinion that it is better to read trash than to not read at all.

  2. I have no problem with people reading most escapist, less than highbrow books. However - I do have a problem with books like these that are marketed as a self-help tool, and that people use them as such. Especially if people buy into or defend these types of books/ authors as something other than trash. And I think it's a dangerous thing for society in general when these books are published in such alarming numbers and end up dominating the bestseller lists, pushing aside titles and authors that have more literary merit.

    That - and Tucker Max is a giant asshole, and If I saw that book in a guy's apartment I would leave immediately. As I would hope any rational, thinking man would leave if he saw any of the aforementioned books on my shelves.

    Finally - I call myself BookWench - the snark comes with the title.

  3. There is definitely a difference in being close-minded about some books and expressing your opinion about the literary merits, or lack thereof. The day I was forced to shelve a novel "written by" Pamela Anderson in literature, sharing space with Jane Austen, I felt extremely offended and nauseous. People like Anderson, Nicole Ritchie, and Snooki are not authors, they are a brand name used to market to the shallow crowd. These people may be encouraged to read more, but more of what? They certainly won't go from The Hills to Hamlet.