Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Allison Reynolds thinks your purse is too big...

For those of you who haven't seen The Breakfast Club and are confused by the title I shall explain. (And shame on you- that movie is awesome) Ally Sheedy plays Allison Reynolds, a character that carries a ginormous purse holding everything she would need to run away from home. The other characters comment on its unnecessary largeness. So – if that character thinks your purse is too big, it's really time to rethink your accessories.

This problem is becoming more and more widespread and dangerous. Some women are seriously carrying bags that I could use to pack for a week-long trip. What are people hiding in there? And why? I'm a girl and I don't even know what goes on in those things. (And if the answer is “a dog” it makes me even more irate.)

My major problem with these behemoths as a retail clerk is that it takes people far, far too long to find anything in them. If you know it takes you ten minutes to find your wallet underneath the loose receipts, bags of cookies, an entire Mac counter's worth of cosmetics, full sized bottles of lotion, drinks, and puppies then you need to do that before you even get in line to pay. And gods forfend that your debit card got loose and you then have to dump all of that purse detritus on a counter to dig it out. I will not wait for you, I will move to another register and ring up the customer who has easier access to their method of payment. And I absolutely will not help you play the unending game of purse Tetris required to get all of that stuff back in the bag.

My other, and much more personal, problem with these bags occurs with some regularity as I work and when I shop. The problem is this – most women carrying these bags have no idea how large they are, and don't care at all if they hit you with them. I have been repeatedly smacked in the face, side, back of the head, butt, all over really, by idiot women with overly large purses. And those things hurt, as I think some of these women are carrying tire irons, curling irons, clothing irons, seriously, WHAT is in these things?! And I have never had anyone apologize for it, even when they become aware that they have hit me. One day I'm going to really loose it and hit them back with my tiny, compact, but solid purse. If you choose to carry a purse that's three times as wide as you are then you need to be aware of how large your kill radius has become. I've seen women hit small children with them and not even notice, or care that they caused a child to cry so that they would never be more than an arms reach away from their Costco sized bottle of aspirin. (Which they should be freely sharing with those they injure.)

So – if anyone can a) justify the purse that won't fit in most overhead compartments, b) tell me what's inside these things, or c) come up with a subtle, but appropriate retaliation for the next person who hits me with one – leave it in the comments.

Stay tuned for the next in this three part accessories series – The Costanza Wallet.....

BookWench is currently reading An Object of Beauty by Steve Martin. I cannot recommend his works highly enough, especially Shopgirl.


  1. You can't even get past them in the grocery store, much less a bookstore aisle, because the stupid bag the size of Alaska is behind the person carrying it, who is lost in browsing and not even aware that anyone else might actually be behind her (because she always feels like someone/something is behind her and has learned to ignore the feeling). But heaven forbid you brush against it, because then you're trying to steal her wallet/smart phone/puppy out of it, although of course you'd never be able to find what you desire inside that Alaskan wilderness.

  2. I like to play "how much can I get into their purse and have her walk out with without them knowing or set off the alarms" game.

  3. Ohhh Jeremy I may have to start playing that game. And Janet, I agree that the lack of awareness and sense of space entitlement is a huge part of why this whole thing annoys me so much.